could you have been influenced by your own car accident? it's been almost 10 years since then. are you any closer to knowing whether or not it was on purpose?
why can't you remember who you pictured dying in your arms in your original dream? you've changed some of the locations and other possible identifiers. what's the difference between self-distancing and self-preservation?
you've had several prophetic dreams about the deaths of loved ones and aquaintances and maybe you've half-convinced yourself that it's angels, or spirits, or energies, or whatever... connecting you through your subconscious to another plane of existence/nonexistence where people who aren't here anymore dwell. in one of these dreams there was a musical number and you woke up crying. a recurring theme in these dreams is an unspoken acknowledgement and acceptance of death. despite the fanciness of the frameworks your brain might've constructed, it's loyal to certain fundamental laws of nature. what does it mean that you assign meaning to these dream-interactions with people who don't exist on earth anymore? what does it mean that you assign meaning to the dream-deaths of people who never existed on earth to begin with?
"birth cannot make me exist, death cannot make me diminish" "you only die once, you live everyday" you've received so much life advice recently and you file it away with false gratitude and it accumulates in an abandoned file cabinet in your brain and i think it might be moldy now. do you remember the time you were up at 3am with your closest friends and the most cognizant thought you could articulate was that life is a life sentence. why have you held onto that, of all things.
is that why you tend to sleep for 4 hours or 12 hours? is that why sometimes you wake up and you lay there, still and docile, until it no longer feels like you're trying to catch your breath? is that why you quietly discarded your sleeping pills.
do you believe in oracles?what is your dream logic telling you that your waking logic cannot fathom?